dependence a disastrous phenomenon

my fault was, that i depended on the trend. changed my life drastically an effectively negative impact. they make me sway like a palm tree caught in the tempest n grounded firmly to the fear of consequences no courage to rebel.. thankfully i believe i am not uprooted yet.

As tears filled to the brim became hard to dam, smile disappeared from the lips. the cloud of melancholy covered the green patch. as i looked for sunshine i was blinded by clouds of sadness.

my being has lost a purpose always swinging like a pendulum with kinetic and potential energy accumulated enough to swing me for a lifetime. at every instance my presence irritated the moment. to break down was not more considered as an idea ( ideas are meant or aimed at betterment). I still regret and my heart is still heavy. As every time i have been trying to mend the time made me to destroy. every time i have tried to build the foundations was not taken care of. to be blamed is not as hurting as it was before.
i am sick i am tired i am lost. have lost the enthusiasm to try something innovative more over i am too weak to forget n take another step. i want to express but i dont have a proper language. What has become of me. i dont want to loose my self in this traumatic manner. i do realise i am goin wrong i am loosing my composure i am volatile but how can i put it too an end. i am wrong, all wrong. by fate n time ( too weak to take the blame on me) i am wronged.